Operation: Baby Boutte

It’s never easy to ask for help, especially with something as personal as infertility. For a long time, we weren’t sure whether to share our story. It’s hard to talk about experiences that have brought us so much sadness, uncertainty, and exhaustion. But after years of trying to grow our family, we’ve learned that sometimes we need to set aside our pride, open up, and let others join us on this journey.

We’re Ayanna and CJ. We’ve been married since 2017, and like many couples, we dreamed of having a family. In 2018, we started trying to make that dream come true. We didn’t realize how long or how difficult the journey would be. We hoped to become parents, but we never expected it would mean years of doctor visits, failed treatments, pregnancy losses, tough choices, and financial stress.

Our journey to parenthood began years ago, and we are still holding onto hope.

In 2019, after trying to conceive, we were referred to a fertility specialist. We had our first hysterosalpingogram, or HSG, which checks the uterus and fallopian tubes. Thankfully, our results were good. That gave us hope, so we moved forward with our first intrauterine insemination, or IUI. Sadly, our first IUI didn’t work. We were told we had unexplained infertility, so we still didn’t know why we couldn’t conceive—not having answers made things even harder. We wanted to know what was wrong, to have a plan, and most of all, to become parents.

Even after that disappointment, we weren’t ready to give up.

In 2020, we tried at-home insemination. We kept looking for ways to grow our family and held onto hope. Then, in February 2021, we got some good news: we were pregnant. After all we’d been through, seeing a positive result meant the world to us. For a moment, we could picture the future we’d dreamed of. We let ourselves hope that this might finally be our chance. But the following month, we had a miscarriage.

Losing that pregnancy was heartbreaking. It was my second miscarriage, and it added even more pain to a journey that had already been so hard. It’s tough to describe what pregnancy loss feels like. It’s not just losing a pregnancy; it’s losing the dreams, milestones, and future you started to imagine. Despite the heartbreak, we kept trying. Month after month, we hoped the next time would be different. But no matter how hard we tried, we couldn’t get pregnant again.

Infertility can feel very lonely. Life goes on around you while you’re dealing with something that touches every part of your life. You always have appointments, decisions, and emotions to handle, plus the challenge of finding the strength to keep trying. Carrying so much hope and uncertainty at once is exhausting. When years go by without the result you’ve hoped for, it gets harder to explain how much this journey has taken from you emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially.

Late last year, we reached out to a new fertility clinic. We wanted to explore our options, learn more about our history, and figure out our next steps. That’s when we were diagnosed with recurrent pregnancy loss. That diagnosis gave another name to something we had already experienced firsthand: the pain of losing pregnancies while continuing to pursue our dream of becoming parents. It also meant facing more questions and considering what our next steps might look like.

In January, we underwent another IUI. Once again, it was unsuccessful. We tried again in May, holding onto hope that this attempt might be different. But that IUI was unsuccessful as well. Each unsuccessful treatment has been difficult in its own way. Every time we pursue another option, we invest not only money but also time, energy, and hope. We prepare ourselves for the possibility that things might work, even though we know we cannot control the outcome. When a treatment doesn’t succeed, we have to find a way to process that disappointment and decide how to keep moving forward.

Still, our desire to become parents has not gone away.

After years of trying, two pregnancy losses, multiple unsuccessful IUIs, and countless moments of uncertainty, we are not ready to give up on the family we have dreamed of building together. So our next step is IVF, and we are doing everything we can to make it possible. IVF offers us another path to explore as we continue our fertility journey. However, fertility treatment comes with high costs. Between medical appointments, testing, medications, procedures, and treatment-related expenses, the financial burden can be overwhelming. It’s hard to face the reality that pursuing something so important to us also requires resources that can be hard to put together.

We’ve spent years putting our time, energy, and hearts into growing our family. Now, we’re asking for help with the financial side of taking our next step. That’s why we created this fundraiser.

Our goal is to raise $15,000 to help cover IVF costs and continue our journey toward parenthood. Every donation will help us work toward this goal and ease some of the financial pressure involved in pursuing treatment.

We know $15,000 is a lot of money. We also understand that everyone has their own responsibilities and financial challenges. We don’t want anyone to feel pressured to donate, and we know not everyone can give. If you are able, please know that every contribution means something to us. No amount is too small to be appreciated. Each donation brings us closer to our fundraising goal and helps us take another step toward growing our family. And if donating isn’t possible, sharing our story can make a difference, too. You might help us reach someone who understands the challenges of infertility, someone who wants to support our journey, or someone who can help spread the word. A simple share could help our fundraiser reach people we might never have reached on our own.

It’s hard for us to ask for help like this. We’re used to figuring things out and pushing forward, even when it’s tough—sharing something so personal means letting others see our struggles, our losses, and our hopes for the future. It means admitting we can’t do this alone. We’re choosing vulnerability because this dream matters to us.

We want the opportunity to experience the joy of becoming parents. We want the chance to build the family we’ve dreamed of for years. We want to keep moving forward without allowing the financial burden to be the only thing standing between us and the next step in our journey.

We can’t promise what the future will bring, and we know fertility treatment doesn’t guarantee anything. But we can promise that this dream means everything to us. After all we’ve been through, we still have hope and want to keep trying.

To everyone who has taken the time to read our story, THANK YOU! Thank you for listening, caring about our journey, and considering helping us take this next step. Whether you donate, share our fundraiser, send us a kind message, or keep us in your thoughts, we are deeply grateful.

Your support would mean more than just helping us reach a financial goal. It reminds us we’re not alone in a journey that often feels isolating. It would mean having people by our side as we face what’s next and keep working toward the family we’ve wanted for so long.

We’ve been trying since 2018. We’ve felt the excitement of a positive test, the heartbreak of loss, the disappointment of failed treatments, and the uncertainty of what comes next. Through it all, our dream of becoming parents has never faded. Now, we are opening our hearts and asking for help to pursue IVF.

If you can, please consider donating to our fundraiser or sharing our story. Every donation, every share, and every act of kindness helps us move forward. Thank you for helping us hold onto hope. Thank you for being part of our story. And thank you for helping us work toward the family we have dreamed of building together.